Hello beautiful Souls. My message today is about not being a fixer.
This is a space that is often filled by those who are empaths, overly sympathetic and compassionate 'people pleasers'. I was in this space for a long time and realised we are the people who need to learn boundaries. At times we still need reminding!
It would help us to a know that we can be kind and loving and yet also have limits of what we will allow. We can find ourselves in the trap of trying to fix every situation. Being a fixer is exhausting and sapping you or your energy. This can start to cause a negative energy, one where we feel taken for granted, abused and used.
Being in the mental health and people support enviroment, especially, is a space of continued out-pouring and giving. It's a learning that every single person thinks and behaves uniquely. Sometimes it is not what we would do/say.
There is a space to offer suggetion and education from our experiences and still...others will never have the same feelings that someone else feels.
Here are a few tips I have learn't along the way. You might resonate with some of them? You may have heard them before? Take time to really ask yourself if you are a fixer or a supporter.
* You will not necessarliy receive closure in every situation or
circumstance that you experiene. You can, however, create a sense of peace for yourself and find stillness and support others to do this.
* Mostly what other people say or do , is all about themselves, NOT you. We are a reflection of ourselves mostly. Pointing one finger forward there is usally three pointing back at yourself.
* Sometimes there is just no explanation and you have to find acceptance in, "it is what it is". Staying in the present is less stressful than trying to figure out the next reason we may imagine.
* Some people will not apologise, simply because they can't and don't know how to.
People don't like being told what to do, learn to plant seeds and make them think it is their idea in the end.
* You can't change people, no matter how much they do need to make changes. People can only change themselves. Your behaviour and actions can encourage them to change as a supporter instead of a fixer. Most people learn from example.
*Offerring a different perspective can often change someone's thinking and avoid confrontation.
* Life is messy and each and every situation or circumstance is necessary, even when the reason is not apparent we have an inner voice to keep on trying. We can offer hope and faith to ourselves and to others. Tomorrow is the essence of hope and new beginings.
* Someone else won"t necessary give you what you give out, or return the favour. When you have expectations, you will often find disappointment.
*Most of all, we learn to negoitate and regualte our own self care, it's not just about the fixing of others, it's how we are treated in doing so.
*We don't need to be nasty or reactive, we just need to know when to back off. We have to learn not to take on board the problems of others to such an extent it defines us too.
*Reaching out in expressing and articulating your thoughts and honest communication will give you great grounding to help you help yourself to a more fulfilled lifestyle.
A healer/coach or mental health facilitator is not someone you go to when you need just healing. A healer is someone that may trigger, new thoughts you could utilise and guide you within your OWN ability to heal yourself with their experienced support and understanding to find solutions not give you the answers.
Remember engery flows where attention goes! There is so much reward in supporting someone to reclaim their happy space. We can do this by accepting that we can support others in so many ways with unconditional love and kindness.
Comments