Hello beautiful people. My message today is about being a talker and a listener.
I had great difficulty self regulating my talkative nature. I was told I should learn to listen more. I went on courses and did mindful practices and became aware of listening more.
We can have conversations with people and get cut off mid sentence or conversely we may find ourself being a great listener and someone else just hogs the floor. We can't get a word in edge ways.
We are often either long winded or needing only the facts, quick and fast.
Very often a interested good listener has a deep impact on people. When we feel someone is really listening and hearing, we feel we are finally getting our dues! When the person is allowed this space to vent, share and get heard, they will usually start to regulate their need to tell long stories to get to the point.
There are also folks who feel they are misunderstood and will try really hard with long explanations to try enable a better communication.
Then we have the "get to the point already" people who have no desire or patience to want, what they deem as, too much information and a waste of time.
Very often these behaviour stem from benign roots and we need to take the feeling of judgement out of these behaviours. This allows you to be less frustrated.
We all express ourselves from different perspectives. When we feel that we are not being listened to, it's an insulting feeling. It equates to not being perceived as being important enough.
The old adage of "it's not what you say ...but how you say it" becomes the vital solution in both behaviours.
We are all wired differently. We have communication styles and dialogue that can make or break a relationship.
To find a balance it's useful to try do some internal work and notice what you say or what you do through becoming more aware of listening more and hear what is related. Awareness of self is the key.
Then there's transparency, a non-judgemental sharing of one's experiences or thoughts offered as an observation that can be helpful.
Eg: "if I may just ask permission to interupt, as you have shared so much information I am struggling to take this all in." Thus, making the the transparency helpful and not harmful. What you really want someone to feel is "this is what I am feeling and noticing right now, what are your thoughts on my observation?
When we are the "get to the point kind of person", express this to the other party kindly. By guiding them and alĺowing them to understand you only need just a few details/facts at this time and reassure them your hear them. Then you will find space to decide if you require more input. Again, being transparent in a helpful way.
We also need to do the work on being more patient. You may miss important signs and information, by needing to rush others to think they way you do. You may not allow someone to fully explain their feeling and this could result in misunderstanding their intention!
All in all, its about being mindful of your language and how you regulate flowing communication skills. A time to listen and a time to speak are equally important.
Silence and thought can also provide the answers...chose wisely.
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