Hello beautiful Souls, my message today is about death, multi-faceted, eminent, and overwhelming as it is. We need to start to approach how we navigate it. Will it be a pretty closed and shut door, a finality, the closure of this life on earth. In Western cultures we are taught to fear death, to shy away, to avoid… In Eastern traditions a more comprehensive approach has been cultivated through the ages.
At some point in life we all come face to face with death, whether we are facing the death of a loved one or our own imminent death. Having a holistic approach to this most sacred rite of passage can help ease the burden and rebirth an opportunity for profound transformation, this is what I reallyI found for me. It can be tremendously difficult and rewarding, especially if you are caring for someone who is close to dying. Being equipped with the right tools and mindset is essential to your own mental & emotional health, as well as for those whom you are providing this support to.
I thought about some simple guidelines to help you to help yourself when discussing this topic of how to deal with loss and grief on more than one occasion this week, with more than one person going through grieving. Grieving is a process and it takes time. What I needed to understand is that time doesn't necessarily heal, it just gives us space to process and live with the experience of not having the person around you any longer and to rearrange your memories and thoughts about the person you have lost and will always love.
Very often people experience anger, sometimes anger at God. They will go through denial, disbelief that it happened. They can go through bargaining, it should have been me! Then they will find a numbness and finally a feeling of acceptance, time to realize they are not coming back nor will anything bring them back. The most important stage to the processing of death for me is the acceptance… finding a space that is a void and allowing that space to start to gather an emotion and an understanding of it taking a real form, that this vessel is now gone and the spirit will live on forever! Knowing that your loved one is right beside you and you are able to connect in a way which is unexplainable! This is probably the strongest kind of love you will ever experience. So engage and allow this incredible bond to be part of your life that you embrace with every fiber in your body. Salute and celebrate this loved one with all you have to offer them.
Sometimes there's more than one kind of death. It could be losing someone literally, it could be ending a relationship, ending a job or retiring. There are many more kinds of mourning and loss. Essentially all the grief we experience has to heal with the way it will work for each of us as best suits us.There is no one size fits all. We do have to find a space to reach out and get help. When we are ready, we will be ready
Having a good support structure is so vital. Here are a few tips to try.
*Asking someone who is grieving how you can help them or saying " let me know if you need anything", often doesn't happen. If you want to help practically, make a meal, do some shopping, help clean up the house. Offer to pack up and de-clutter the space of the deceased. Take time to sit and listen, give the person a embrace and as much love as you can exhibit. Often someone who is grieving can’t bring themselves to pack up and often they just need you to sit with them and hold onto the last fabric, the last shirt, a jacket that gives them a physical connection to their loved one.
*Organize a memory box, with a lid. A space to keep sacred small memory pieces and little memory items. Offer to plant a tree, have a bench with a plaque made, take a favourite shirt and have a pillow made from it, or do a memorable event in honour of the person.
*Help celebrate the person for whom they are to you, remembering them in small ways by talking about them. Help the person to feel comfortable to talk about the person they are grieving. We think it is best not to mention the person who has passed to the bereaved, yet more than you think they want to talk about them.
*It is also important to get them to bathe/shower and maybe run an essential oils bath, water has an extraordinary healing power. You can also organize a massage for them and take them. The human touch is very comforting.
*Go for a walk in nature. Visit a special place of remembrance with them and also just maybe drop them off and wait in the car, giving them space to remember and mourn.
Careful what you think is a good comment to make out of well meaning. Examples are: "He had a good innings, he was already in his prime. At least his death was quick, or he didn't suffer long or he is out of his misery. He is out of his misery" This kind of language does not bring comfort to someone who is trying to process their heartache.
Someone grieving knows all these things and they hurt even more when we remind them.
What do you say? What are options?
* He will always be remembered for...,
*May his light shine brightly always…
* No words could express my sympathy.
Maybe just knowing I am thinking of you and am here for you may be the comfort I can offer. Thinking of you at this very sad and difficult time, I am sure it is difficult and so sad for you.
Heartache and hurt are devastating in the grieving process. Encourage those going through this to be gentle with themselves and find the tools and support to distract and continue in a space of loving. Encourage them to believe that knowing that is what their loved one would have wanted. They would want you to miss them and remember them always. They would want you to keep having the best life whilst you can. LIFE IS TOO SHORT, let's embrace every moment lovingly even after someone we love dies.
If I may add : everybody's grieving process is different, and if this can also be accepted by others (not telling the person ‘how it should go/what they should feel’)
#avrapoelmann #lifecoach #anxietysupport #nlppractioner #hypnotherapy #myhappyspace #intuitivehealer #guidetogrief
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